PILLOWTALK: Relationships.. What I’ve learned

This is a different kind of post for me, but I wanted to try something new!

I think most people are opening this up and expecting to read me bashing all men, that’s not what this post is about, even though there’s a few I’d like to kick a couple times. Relationships are so different these days, and I think the problem is people getting into them for the wrong reasons.

Reason #1: because they think they should, people are pressuring them and everyone around them are in relationships. So they rush into one even though they’re not ready

. Reason #2: wanting the comfort of someone to be there for you and the attention that comes with it,  but not really being in it for the long run

For me, I haven’t had the best luck when it comes to relationships. I’m extremely picky when it comes to the people who I let into my life and it’s a super tough thing for me (as I’m sure it is for most people) I know a lot of people struggle with this and the number one reason being trusting that person with your emotions. One of my biggest weaknesses/strengths wrapped in one is that I try to find the best in people, and my heart is a little too big, meaning I try to please others before myself.  I’ve been in a few long term relationships but I think my last one hit me the hardest. I think maybe because I’m older & had already been hurt one too many times. It took me a long time to get over it and to be honest I won’t be over it completely for a long time but that’s just how it works. I think the worst feeling in the world is feeling like you’re not enough for someone, in the end you’ll realize they just weren’t good enough for you!

Here’s what I’ve learned along the way..

#1 it is NOT your fault:

Just because another human can not see your worth or appreciate it, does not mean it’s not there. Everybody deserves to be treated with love & respect. If someone isn’t doing that, it’s not because of something you’re doing wrong. It’s because they are doing something wrong, and I’m here to tell you that’s not how relationships should work. Every man and woman deserves someone who appreciates them and can’t picture their life without them in it.

#2 Its not worth it

If you’re not happy, it’s not worth it. Being in a relationship with someone shouldn’t be more work and hurt. You need to be with someone because they make you happy and make your life better with them in it.

#3 They don’t own you

Nobody; whether it’s your wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, sugar daddy etc. can tell you how to be you. You choose how to live your life and if someone has a problem with how you’re living it, they’re not the person for you. Your dress is not too short, yes you’re allowed to go out with your girlfriends for the night, you can post whatever kind of pictures you want, you can do whatever you want with your hair and body and If someone you’re with can’t appreciate that. They ain’t for u!

#4 Actions are different than words

Just because someone says the right thing, or tells you all these beautiful things doesn’t always mean they have the best intentions. Look for actions, are they treating you as amazing as the words that come out of their mouth? Just because they say they love you, do their actions really match up to those words?

#5 You can and will find better

I see this happen with a lot of my friends, and honestly I’ve been here myself. You’re blind to certain things when you’re dating someone, you don’t see the red flags you would definitely see if it were someone else’s relationship. This is usually why our friends and family are the first to speak up when something doesn’t seem right. I can’t count how many times I’ve said to myself, “How can she be so stupid and why does she keep giving him another chance?” Truth is, nobody knows what goes on in your relationship other than you and the other person involved. But I’m here to tell you to wake up! So many people stay in toxic relationships because they’re comfortable, they want it to work so bad because they don’t know how to be alone anymore. Most of the time, its not that person you want to stay with or that person you’re going to miss. Its the comfort of always having someone to talk to, and be there. My friend once said to me, “Is it him you love? Or the things a boyfriend does that you love? Can any other person do the same thing he’s doing?”.

Now I know i’m not the expert on relationships or the human mind and how it works but when I was going through some really tough times, reading this sort of thing definitely would have put my mind at ease. Everyones different when it comes to how they express emotion, and I tend to be someone who keeps it inside, I don’t want to talk about it with anyone and I certainly don’t want other peoples opinion or advice, but reading that theres others going through the same thing makes it comforting to know that its just a phase and it’ll pass eventually. I’m not writing this post just to be negative, relationships can be beautiful and so can love. I look at so many amazing couples in my life who are so in love and I know that its possible. Don’t settle for anything less than you deserve, things will get better.



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